Do Opposites Really Attract?

What Does “Opposite” Really Mean?

Wait for it, wait for it … people are complex. There, the cat’s out of the bag. If two individuals are described as opposites, it’s likely they are not diametrically opposed in every respect. When we talk about opposites attracting, we’re often talking about the habits, backgrounds, and traits of individuals as opposed to their core values. A homebody bookworm may be able to cultivate a successful marriage with an extreme sports enthusiast, but it’s unlikely someone who values honesty at all costs will last long with a partner who believes in diplomatic discretion.

It seems on some dimensions, opposites are doomed from the get-go. A couple with completely dissimilar attitudes toward sex are setting themselves up for failure on the biological, psychological, and practical levels. On the other hand, diverging on particular traits may benefit a relationship. An introvert may find that her extroverted honey encourages her to discover new passions and meet new people. And in other cases, dissimilarity can be inconsequential beyond initial attraction. I’m a blonde mostly attracted to brown-haired men. However, it’s unlikely that the color of my boyfriend’s hair would affect the longevity of our relationship. (Unless he decided to go blue, which would be another story.)

The Biologists Weigh In

Evolutionary biologists studying the science of animal attraction (including humans) have found that, for the most part, opposites don’t attract. A study conducted in 2003 with 978 heterosexual adults in Ithaca, New York, showed that mate choice could be predicted by self-perception on a number of attributes. If a man perceived himself as highly attractive, he rated a potential partner’s attractiveness of greater importance. If a woman identified herself as wealthy, it was important to her to find a mate of means. In other words, models seek models and trust fund babies seek trust fund babies. So much for the stereotype of sugar daddies and trophy wives—a pairing of strategy, perhaps, rather than animal attraction, but a popular theory among evolutionary psychologists.